This article is very helpful as I struggle with the meaning of love. I work with an elderly woman who is disabled and has dementia. We have recently moved back into her home. In the evening, I deeply enjoy cooking dinner and we share the meal together. But for the first four hours, all she wants me to do is to watch her smoke cigarettes and pet her cat. I have long admired the contemplative Christian tradition, but my relatively brief periods of silent mediation have not prepared me for four hours doing nothing... or is this the real measure of love? Simply to be with her, mostly quiet, occasionally responding to small requests like lighting her cigarette or moving her wheelchair closer to the cat. Can I begin to sense the presence of God, the love of God, in this time period? I find myself challenged to love by giving my time freely, without frustration or boredom. I often wonder what a monastic contemplative would think of this 'practice.' Despite my years of Christian practice and prayer, I am finding myself in a new place.
Thanks Diana. Most people wouldn’t have the patience you have -- and dementia can bring unique complexities. I wouldn’t doubt that your support for this person is love. From my perspective, I would not define the quality of love by whether we feel the presence of God or not. I don’t think love (highest love) is a feeling, though feelings can accompany it. Even challenging feelings sometimes.
Gardening as a motif was powerfully realistic. I enjoyed printing this out and highlighting through. A couple favorites:
•a C.S. Lewis quote reference “It remains a garden, as distinct from wilderness, only if someone does all these things to it.”
• “The challenge is less whether we end up cultivating orchids or marigolds, than whether we are willing to be the gardener in the first place, and to do the hard work of cultivation.”
"We can’t control the fate of a civilization, but we can seek the highest love. We don’t need to be martyrs or cave hermits. For most of us, if we are willing, the sacrifices will be ordinary and unhistoric. They might seem inconsequential. That bit of extra time or effort that no one will ever see; the suffering we quietly endure, because we know the good that will come of it..."
Wonderful essay with so many angles of love to admire. Thank you!
Have you had a chance to look at Nadya Williams's recent book "Cultural Christians in the Early Church" (https://zondervanacademic.com/products/cultural-christians-in-the-early-church)? She has insights on Pliny and on Perpetua and Felicity that really dovetail nicely with what you are saying here -- I'm really intrigued by what each of you is saying about them.
This is some of the best writing I have come across in a long time. You're an excellent writer!
But I need to say that when I see people staring at their screens, I see them reading. I see them communicating with their friends, their families, or their jobs. I think we're in this awkward stage of hyper-connectivity and it's overwhelming physical companionship. For now. But the cows always come home. At some point, hanging out with friends with our phones off will be all the rage.
"..nothing can take the place of a love rooted in ultimate Reality, and which is incarnated in the lives of real people. This love is the only force that can break down the walls of separation between us, and bind us to each other with real attentiveness and devotion."
This article is very helpful as I struggle with the meaning of love. I work with an elderly woman who is disabled and has dementia. We have recently moved back into her home. In the evening, I deeply enjoy cooking dinner and we share the meal together. But for the first four hours, all she wants me to do is to watch her smoke cigarettes and pet her cat. I have long admired the contemplative Christian tradition, but my relatively brief periods of silent mediation have not prepared me for four hours doing nothing... or is this the real measure of love? Simply to be with her, mostly quiet, occasionally responding to small requests like lighting her cigarette or moving her wheelchair closer to the cat. Can I begin to sense the presence of God, the love of God, in this time period? I find myself challenged to love by giving my time freely, without frustration or boredom. I often wonder what a monastic contemplative would think of this 'practice.' Despite my years of Christian practice and prayer, I am finding myself in a new place.
Thanks Diana. Most people wouldn’t have the patience you have -- and dementia can bring unique complexities. I wouldn’t doubt that your support for this person is love. From my perspective, I would not define the quality of love by whether we feel the presence of God or not. I don’t think love (highest love) is a feeling, though feelings can accompany it. Even challenging feelings sometimes.
Still, prayer can certainly improve our patience!
You are waiting... paying attention , for epiphany.
Gardening as a motif was powerfully realistic. I enjoyed printing this out and highlighting through. A couple favorites:
•a C.S. Lewis quote reference “It remains a garden, as distinct from wilderness, only if someone does all these things to it.”
• “The challenge is less whether we end up cultivating orchids or marigolds, than whether we are willing to be the gardener in the first place, and to do the hard work of cultivation.”
Lewis's book is a classic. I'm glad you enjoyed the essay!
"We can’t control the fate of a civilization, but we can seek the highest love. We don’t need to be martyrs or cave hermits. For most of us, if we are willing, the sacrifices will be ordinary and unhistoric. They might seem inconsequential. That bit of extra time or effort that no one will ever see; the suffering we quietly endure, because we know the good that will come of it..."
Wonderful essay with so many angles of love to admire. Thank you!
I very much enjoyed this, Peco. Thank you.
Have you had a chance to look at Nadya Williams's recent book "Cultural Christians in the Early Church" (https://zondervanacademic.com/products/cultural-christians-in-the-early-church)? She has insights on Pliny and on Perpetua and Felicity that really dovetail nicely with what you are saying here -- I'm really intrigued by what each of you is saying about them.
I wasn't aware of the book, but thanks very much for mentioning it. I will definitely take a look.
This was beautifully written and of great encouragement. Thank you.
This is some of the best writing I have come across in a long time. You're an excellent writer!
But I need to say that when I see people staring at their screens, I see them reading. I see them communicating with their friends, their families, or their jobs. I think we're in this awkward stage of hyper-connectivity and it's overwhelming physical companionship. For now. But the cows always come home. At some point, hanging out with friends with our phones off will be all the rage.
I’m printing this out to digest more slowly. Such meaty stuff here. Thank you for the work you do ♥️
Inspiring, thank you!
That last quote made me think again of one of my favourite movies - A Hidden Life by Terence Malick. It closes off the film in such a fitting manner.
"..nothing can take the place of a love rooted in ultimate Reality, and which is incarnated in the lives of real people. This love is the only force that can break down the walls of separation between us, and bind us to each other with real attentiveness and devotion."
Such Hope in these lines!
Reality, too, "should you choose to accept it".
;-)